Harriett 23:1-18. To be read daily while standing on one’s head:
Loretta is my Waiter; I shall not lunch.
She maketh me to sit down with Sodom:
She leadeth me beside the lubricating waters.
She restoreth my hole:
She rides my staff of righteousness for Loretta’s stank.
Yea, though I walk into the storefront of the all-you-care-to-eat buffet,
I will fear no carbs: For thou art with me;
Thy breadsticks and thy diet cola, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of warming trays;
Thou annointest my lips with green bean casserole; My belt runneth over.
Surely the soft-serve ice cream shall follow me, but not on my thighs,
and I will dwell on the Thunder Box forever.
