For Loretta is a deliciously deviant being, she may show fabulous, incomprehensible mercy toward these “dung” people. She hath created an ingenious “soul trade out” scheme for the unsaved.
After the first death by fire, the elected few shall have their names checked against the book of life. If a match is found, all sin shall be cast aside and they shall be held back from the second lake of fire. Though their bodies shall be dead, charred and their first soul shall be but rising smoke, Loretta may grant a second soul for salvation (however, be it so knownst that these may be refurbished, but nonetheless, factory-certified souls). Recipient will be responsible for proper care of the new spiritual garment and will have it properly cleaned between wearings.
Those not on the reservation list shall then be cast once more into the lake of fire and asked to swim upstream amongst the burning cinders of their friends and neighbors.
If questions or irregularities arise, the Ombudsman for the Second Salvation (or one of his designates) shall intervene and investigate further for the benefit of the accused damned soul. Be sure to tip the doorman.
